They both crossed the border, separate lives, no knowledge of each others existence, seeking better lives, jobs, a source of income, escaping poverty stricken families. They both came here illegally, and stayed illegally until finally getting citizenship to a country foreign to them. He did it others feared but resorted to out of desperation, hiring a coyote to get him across, but with a twist, a way not many knew of or thought to consider, through the sewage pipes. All he remembers is crawling in the dark for hours then finally seeing a light, brightening his path out. She would choose the safer path across. She got a visitors visa and stayed even after it expired.
They would meet more than five years after living here, introduced by a mutual friend. They, as many couples did, fell in love, unlike other couples a mistake, a grand mistake occurred. She got pregnant with her first child. Unplanned, unexpected. A quick marriage happened and their lives officially together would begin.
Three years and less than two months later after their first son, Jesus, is born their first and only daughter would arrive. September 27, 1994, midday. Another accident, but not their last. The Creation of Me.
Warm : Very good intro . Descriptive and vivid .
ReplyDeleteCool : Add more onto why you personally were created in the last paragraph . Expand it .
loved how you brought me into it, i felt the adventure and you did a great job showing! thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteNow I'm assuming that these are your parents you are talking about. I love how you portray the way they came. You used very good detailing. Maybe at the first paragraph when you say "hiring a coyote". I don't know what that means so maybe add a description of that in your story. But overall I loved the piece.
ReplyDeleteThat was great! You had alot of details in the begining and the end came ubruptly, add more to this story it will make. It alot better, not that it's bad :)
ReplyDeleteLovee youuu :)
I love the first paragraph, you wrote it so well. You talk about the hope but also the challenges faced to achieve the goal of happiness. I want you to include more information about you and the "great mistake." You skim over it so quickly, leaving the reader wanting more.
ReplyDeleteI love your first line- it's a great hook and draws the reader in. The first paragraph works well because it provides the reader with important background information and leads well in to your story.
ReplyDeleteTo improve, you could expand on how your parents met and what their life was like after this- maybe add some "showing" details? Try and even out the pace of your storytelling.
Overall, good job! Thanks for sharing! :)